BREAKING: Tyrus Rescues Kat Timpf From Rogue Alpaca Attack in Central Park—Then They Name It ‘Greg Gutfeld Jr.’ in Bizarre Fox News Twist

In a moment that defied every expectation of a Tuesday morning stroll in Manhattan, conservative commentator Kat Timpf narrowly escaped what witnesses are calling an “alpaca-related ambush” in Central Park. The unlikely hero of the scene? None other than her Fox News colleague and former professional wrestler, Tyrus, who reportedly subdued the creature in what one onlooker described as “a flying clothesline that would’ve made Hulk Hogan weep.”

The alpaca, which remains unnamed by park authorities but has been unofficially christened “Greg Gutfeld Jr.” by Timpf and Tyrus, appeared around 10:07 a.m., darting from behind a hedge near the Bethesda Terrace. “I was just getting coffee,” Kat told a swarm of amused but concerned reporters later that day. “One second I’m debating if I want oat milk, and the next thing I know, this fluffy demon is coming at me like I’m a head of kale.”

A Morning Like Any Other—Until It Wasn’t

It all started innocently enough. Timpf had exited her Upper West Side apartment for what she called her “daily escape from email-induced rage,” aiming to grab a cold brew and decompress before taping a segment for Gutfeld!. Tyrus, who lives nearby when not filming, had coincidentally agreed to meet her for a walk through the park after what he described as “a very intense dream involving Nancy Pelosi and a chainsaw.”

What happened next could only be described as a surreal mixture of Planet Earth and WWE Monday Night Raw.

“We were just talking about how weird it is that people are afraid of clowns but not of dolphins,” Timpf recalled. “And then—BOOM. Out comes this thing. This fuzzball. Its eyes were locked on me like I owed it money.”

The creature in question—a snow-white alpaca estimated to be around 3 years old and roughly 150 pounds—reportedly burst through a hedge, let out what several witnesses described as “a bleat filled with malice,” and charged at Timpf, who instinctively dropped her coffee and ran.

“I didn’t know Kat could move like that,” said Tyrus in a later press conference. “She ran like Joy Behar was chasing her with a policy binder.”

The Hero We Didn’t Know We Needed

According to eyewitness Shana Muller, a yoga instructor who had been meditating nearby, the scene that unfolded was “the most Fox News thing I’ve ever seen.”

“One minute this beautiful blonde girl is running in heels, screaming, ‘What the hell is that?!’ and the next minute this giant man—Tyrus, I recognized him from TV—launches himself across a bush like a missile,” Muller said. “He grabs the alpaca mid-leap. I mean, I’ve seen a lot in this city. I once saw a pigeon snort cocaine off a CitiBike. But this? This was next level.”

Tyrus allegedly tackled the alpaca with “a spinning back slam,” holding it in a sleeper hold until it calmed down. “It took a minute,” he admitted, “but I just kept whispering ‘Namaste’ in its ear, and it sort of went limp.”

“I told Kat to run,” he added, “but she stayed to record it for Instagram. I’m proud of her.”

Video footage captured by a nearby tourist shows Timpf yelling, “Get him, Tyrus!” while trying to hold her phone steady. The clip has already amassed over 14 million views across platforms, trending under the hashtag #AlpacaRescue.

But Where Did the Alpaca Come From?

The big question—aside from “How did Tyrus manage to hold an alpaca in a modified rear naked choke for seven minutes?”—is: Where the heck did the alpaca come from?

Authorities believe the animal escaped from a petting zoo truck that had been idling nearby en route to a child’s birthday party in SoHo. “Apparently, someone forgot to lock the gate,” said Officer Glen Radford of the NYPD Animal Control Unit. “We got a call about a loose ‘llama’ in the park. Turns out it was an alpaca with an attitude.”

Upon apprehending the animal—who by then had calmed significantly and was even nuzzling Timpf’s purse—the NYPD handed it over to Central Park Zoo officials for temporary holding.

Timpf and Tyrus, however, had already given it a name.

“We took one look at this confused, fuzzy troublemaker and said, ‘Yup. That’s Greg Gutfeld Jr.,’” Timpf explained. “He’s unpredictable, charming in a weird way, and probably going to cause more chaos wherever he goes.”

Tyrus added, “Also, he spits on people he doesn’t like. Classic Greg.”

Fox News Reacts

News of the incident quickly spread through the Fox News offices. Gutfeld himself tweeted, “Wait—I have an alpaca son now?” followed by three crying-laughing emojis and a photo of himself Photoshopped riding an alpaca in space.

Jesse Watters said on-air that he was “100% not surprised,” while Laura Ingraham claimed it was “yet another example of what happens when alpacas are raised in progressive school systems.”

Sean Hannity, during his nightly broadcast, referred to Tyrus as “the American hero the left will never admit we need.”

Even former President Donald Trump weighed in on Truth Social, writing:

“TYRUS—INCREDIBLE!!! SAVED KAT TIMPF FROM ANIMAL TERROR IN CENTRAL PARK. UNDER JOE BIDEN, ALPACAS RUN WILD—WHEN I’M PRESIDENT, ONLY LEGAL ALPACAS ALLOWED!! TYRUS = STRONG. KAT = TOUGH. GUTFELD JR. = WE’LL SEE!!!”

Life After the Drama

Following the incident, both Timpf and Tyrus assured fans they were fine. “My latte didn’t survive, but I did,” Timpf quipped on her Instagram Story, posing with a police officer and what appeared to be a half-eaten pretzel.

The pair is reportedly in negotiations with the Central Park Zoo to sponsor the alpaca—renaming a small enclosure “The Greg Gutfeld Jr. Freedom Pen.” Timpf even suggested making him a semi-recurring guest on Gutfeld! “Imagine the possibilities,” she said. “Greg yells a monologue, the alpaca spits in agreement. Boom. Ratings gold.”

As for Tyrus, he says he’s not letting the fame of being “The Alpaca Avenger” get to his head. “I’ve always been a guy who steps in when something’s out of line—whether it’s politics, pop culture, or Peruvian livestock.”

An Unlikely Legacy

While most Tuesday news cycles are filled with dreary policy debates or never-ending campaign coverage, this one gave America something rare: an alpaca story with heart, heroism, and humor.

“We live in a world where an alpaca can ruin your morning or make you famous,” said Timpf as she sipped a fresh latte the next day. “Either way, just make sure you’ve got a wrestler on speed dial.”

Whether Greg Gutfeld Jr. will return to Gutfeld! in some capacity is yet to be seen. But one thing is certain: the world wasn’t ready for an alpaca with attitude—and it certainly wasn’t ready for a conservative commentator and a pro-wrestler tag-teaming him in Central Park.