Jimmy Kimmel’s Holiday Roundup: Cyber Monday, Trump, and Chaos
I’m Jimmy, your host, and welcome to a very American holiday—the Monday after Thanksgiving, aka Cyber Monday—the one day a year we set aside to buy things we don’t need online. Did you splurge today? I like to walk around the office and watch coworkers shut their laptops faster than a teenager caught looking at… well, you get the idea.
Between Black Friday and Cyber Monday, it’s that magical time when every company in America suddenly has your email address. Tomorrow’s Giving Tuesday, a good day. Wednesday? Just be alone with your thoughts.
Thanksgiving was good. The chicken turned out fine—my wife carved it, displayed it proudly, as she should. I skipped the parade to hit the gym, ran two miles, and yes, exercised in front of all the women at the gym. Priorities.
Speaking of surprises, Al Roker gave seven-year-old Elliot golden tickets to see the Rockettes—twice. Lucky kid.
Meanwhile, President Trump spent Thanksgiving at Mar-a-Lago, sending a “warm message” to Americans. But really, it felt more like a press release for chaos: he lashed out at Minnesota Governor Tim Walz (or “Walls,” according to Trump) and continued his baffling, rambling statements about his cognitive tests, MRI results, and approval ratings.
Trump’s approval? Lowest since leaving office. Lower than gas station bathrooms on Yelp. Yet he claims to have his highest-ever poll numbers. Meanwhile, he pardons drug kingpins like Juan Hernandez while ordering military strikes that killed dozens at sea. Accountability? Optional. Chaos? Guaranteed.
First Lady Melania unveiled the White House Christmas decorations under the theme “Home is Where the Heart Is,” only for Trump to destroy the gingerbread White House to make “space for the ballroom” and then eat it. Classic.
Over Thanksgiving, we also had the National Dog Show, where a Belgian sheepdog named Sole won Best in Show—beating out the English variety. And yes, jokes about “one eye in the wrong end of the dog” were made. Tradition lives on.
Finally, today is December 1st. Yes, December. Hard to believe, right? It’s December 1st, a Monday, and yes, we all need to come to terms with that reality.
So, welcome to the holiday chaos—Cyber Monday, Trump chaos, gingerbread destruction, dog shows, and disbelief that it’s already December. It’s America.
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